Not Just White Boys...“Masculinity, Misguidance,and the Digital Trap”

by Dr.RB

Too many people still believe this is only happening to white boys in the suburbs. But I’ve seen firsthand how the same toxic messages are reaching Black and brown boys—in cities, in schools, and in our own homes.

Our boys are out here searching. For belonging. For guidance. For answers in a world that often dismisses them.

And the digital world is more than ready to step in.

Online spaces offer what looks like “truth,” “strength,” and “control.” But underneath all that language is poison: distrust of women, resentment toward change, and a rejection of empathy.

What makes it even more dangerous? How subtle it is.

It doesn’t always look like hate speech. It looks like self-improvement. It sounds like “leveling up,” “grindset,” or “becoming a high-value man.”

But it’s teaching our boys to disconnect. From real community. From real relationships. From the very people who could help them grow.

The reality: Too often, when we’re talking about online radicalization, we’re still talking about white boys. But as a Black man, a father, and advocate who works daily with Black and brown boys, I’m telling you—this is our issue too.

These ideologies don’t stop at zip codes or skin color. They spread through pain. Through loneliness. Through the hunger for purpose.

And I’ve seen it. I’ve watched young men—Black boys—start out searching for brotherhood, confidence, identity. And end up in algorithm-fed echo chambers selling them a warped version of masculinity.

One father came up to me after a talk at a local men's circle event. Tears in his eyes. His son had changed—become angrier, colder, shut down. He thought maybe it was just teenage stuff. But after we talked, he realized his son had been spending hours online in toxic spaces, learning to distrust women, reject vulnerability, and believe the world was against him.

And here’s the thing: in many ways, the world is against him. Systemic racism. Poverty. Police violence. Discrimination in classrooms and courtrooms.

So when a stranger on the internet says, “The world is rigged against you—here’s how to take control,” it doesn’t sound extreme. It sounds like truth.

But that version of control often comes at the cost of compassion, community, and self-awareness.

And now? AI is pouring gasoline on this fire.

It’s not just YouTube videos anymore. Our boys are having full conversations with chatbots that validate their worst fears and reinforce toxic messages—all day, every day. No nuance. No accountability. No humanity.

Let’s be clear: The digital world is raising our boys. And if we’re not intentional—if we’re not having real conversations in our homes, schools, churches, and barbershops—these platforms will teach them who to be.

And what they’re being taught is dangerous.

Netflix's lastest film Adolescence isn’t just a film. It’s a wake-up call.

There’s a moment in the film where Det. Briscombe calls another boy “son.” His own child, Adam, responds: “You don’t call me son. You call other people’s sons ‘son.’ But not me.”

That line reminded me of my own lived experience.

Too many boys carry that same wound—the ache of feeling unworthy of a father’s love—into manhood.They grow into hardened men in a hardened world.

Then we suddenly ask them to “be more empathetic,”without ever having shown them what that looks like.

They don’t soften.They shut down.

And here’s the hard truth: We keep thinking this can be fixed with more male role models or gender equality workshops.

That’s a nice idea. But it’s a clean, linear solution to a deeply messy, systemic problem.

And that’s why it fails.

We talk about influence, but ignore conditions.

Our Boys are growing up in systems built to break them. Class divides. Racial injustice. Economic instability. Underfunded schools. Absent or emotionally unavailable parents. These are not side notes. They’re the foundation. And if we don’t address them, everything else is just noise.

Here’s what real change looks like:

Fatherhood we must support men to show up—not just as providers, but as present, emotionally available fathers. Organizations like THE DAD GANG, or apparel brands like dadgang.Co. are giving us that blueprint.

Class and Economic Instability This is a class issue. Period. Nonprofit Organizations like THEACADEMY365, and Free All Minds Academy who's based in the Southern region of New Jersey are meeting boys where they are and addressing the systemic barriers they face.

Relationship Education We teach math. We teach science. But do we teach boys how to understand themselves? How to handle conflict? How to redefine masculinity? Our PROJECT MANHOOD initiative and our soon to be realased BlackBoys Deserve to Smile workbook are leading the way in this effort.

We need to be honest. Mental health struggles, trauma, and addiction don’t just coexist with misogyny—they feed it. But we can’t tackle everything at once.

We don’t need more knee-jerk interventions.We need long-term, layered, community-rooted solutions. That begins with asking the necessary questions. And being honest—sometimes painfully so—about what boys actually need.

In our group work, we always start with the same question:“How are you showing up?”

It’s more than a check-in. It’s an invitation to drop the mask, to be real, to take responsibility for the energy you bring into a space.

So let me ask you now: How are we showing up for our boys?

Because if we don’t confront what’s happening in our homes, in our schools, and on their screens…We’ll find ourselves grieving the loss of boys who were always within our reach.

This is the long game.

Let’s play it like everything depends on it—because it does.